what am I excited about?

Mike just asked me, “What am I excited about?”

A simple question, but a good question. Although there are the triumphs (like Alondra getting her license), these feel few and far between. So often I feel like I am aware of and sometimes overwhelmed by the numerous reasons to not be excited. Women telling me terrible stories of abuse; a mother telling me of her husband who's being held at Tacoma Detention Center; another who needs help paying utilities before they get cut off; farmworkers struggling to find housing, work, and pay rent…let alone all the other needs that surmount; illiterate non-English speaking people trying to navigate the court system; uninsured adults burdened by heafty medical bills…it goes on and on. To me it has become normal. People are struggling to survive, struggling to be cared for and care for their children. Numerous barriers to survival compound and blind the way forward.

As a person of much privilege, you would think this wouldn’t feel normal. I have never experienced physical, emotional, mental, or sexual abuse. I have never been unable to pay my bills, and as a child I knew I would be provided for by my parents…who were and are still in a loving relationship. Yet, my life isn’t normal, and over the past 5 years since I graduated from college and have been working among the poor and marginalized in society…this has become all the more apparent to me.

The challenges of life now seem insurmountable at times for those I am privileged to accompany day-to-day. Debts, abuse, poverty, addictions, generational issues, lack of social support…the list goes on and on.
So what am I excited about? It is good to stop and reflect.

I am excited that I get to be here, living into what God has invited me towards. I am incredibly passionate about participating in God’s work of SHALOM in places of violence—bringing change to systemic oppression that forces people off the land & into slavery; and healing & hope to individuals who experience physical oppression & abuse. I have wanted to work with women who have been abused as well as recent Latino immigrants…and I am doing both. I am grateful. However, the challenge to not be burdened remains heavy.

Last night at our Volunteer Advocacy training, I was feeling incredibly burdened by various stories I had been hearing. When it was my turn to be prayed for, people saw Jesus coming under the burdens with me and lifting them off of me. I pictured myself being crushed under the weight of a house-size stone block, and Jesus coming under it with me, taking the weight of it so I could either collapse or crawl out. I felt myself on the brink of collapsing and yet fearful of the fall. Can I really let go? Can I really be weak and not be the strong one? People always say I am strong. Yet sometimes I think I need permission to be weak.

So what do I love? what am excited about?
I LOVE sitting with people and hearing their stories, affirming who they are and calling them out to be more fully who they are. I love seeing people come alive, experiencing healing and love from those around them. I love seeing the light come back into people’s eyes. I love being a voice of hope and encouragement. I love seeing God do the impossible. I love people coming together, sharing resources, and moving forward as a community in loving and supporting one another.

This is what I am excited about.